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The day has finally arrived to be honest.

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MrJohnnyParky
The day has finally arrived to be honest.

Hello all and hope you are all well and having better weather than here in t'North, Leeds but we do have a Harvey Nic's. I have to make a confession that I have not been 100% truthful about myself and my condition. It wasn't until yesterday that i realised i cannot keep up this pretence any longer to so many nice, helpful, supportive, open and honest people so here goes and hope you understand that it wasn't my intention to fool anybody least of all myself though I think  some of you may have had an idea.

My name is John ***** and up to yesterday when I had to face the truth and finally admit that i have never really Accepted that I was a person who had Parkinson's Disease.

I know but have do accept in my in my own way. Accept is a word that I have never used about myself to myself. I have been diagnosed by a Consultant, confirmed by my PD Nurse, had the support of my wife, tell my daughter i had it and convince her that it is always there but not the end, have tremors and a multitude of symptoms and knew that i had Parkinson's Disease. Took meds, attended appointments, seen the specialists and changes in people both positive and negtative as PD progressed and struggled in a whole host of ways because of it.

It is hard to describe but like i was tied to some one I didn't want to be with and they will do all they can to make my life harder but i will carry on without fully acknowledging him so i don't' have to change how i do things.

I have not meant to be but I have been very selfish in not accepting this condition and changing and doing all I can, so all this help and support i have been so lucky to have is not for nothing. I have apologised to my wife, my daughter (via Facebook obviously) and apologise to all you forum members who have been so great with their help and  advice. and also my PDNurse, you get the idea

I had told my wife that it is not affecting me like other PWP and can carry on as normal but she had seen the changes but still i did not listen and accept it. You can lead an horse to water. but you can't make it.....but occasionally it can realise there is a issue with a little prod or maybe a good kick up the ass.

Three things have got me to my acceptance of Parkinson's Disease. My Wife, my PDNurse and meeting some special people on this forum. With not knowing anyone before with this condition only hearing of some who knew some and you should see them i suppose i refused to accept and deal with changes.

This forum and especially a certain few has thankfully opened my eyes to the realisation that we are still who we are and that change does not mean the end just a course alteration. So I thank you all.

I mentioned my name as it helps me see that i'am still that person with the illness as i was without it and as you can read do like to type and type and type and miss-spell. I started a new topic i thought this would be best place for it and to be honest don't know if I will visit it again as it was to serve a purpose and has done. I will still be the one who isn't allowed much on the main forum and resides on the ParkyD thread and who likes to make a show.

Ladies and Gentleman I have great pleasure in introducing tonights special guest who will be presenting this award MrJohnnyParky.

Good evening folks and without further ado I would like to reveal the latest winner of the Parkinson's Disease acceptance award is none other than the Handsome, Charming, witty, funny, intell..inte..clever (well it is my award show) Mr John *****. I will be accepting this award on his behalf because i'am him and there's no way i'm paying to send something to myself.....scared......i'am.

[Edited to remove personal information]

babesbrown

I have just posted a long reply and its gone?????? Not a happy bunny....told me there was maintanance on the site.

babesbrown

Lets try again.....
Dear John
You sound sooo like my husband. He wont admit to having PD and pushes himself at work etc. I have to watch the deteriation both physically and mentally in him daily! I have to be the strong one....and I dont want to be anymore. We have 3 adult Sons who refuse to acknowledge their Dad is a PWP....our middle Son has split from his wife&4 year old Son..hes got involved with taking drugs and his wife couldnt cope with his behaviours,we have lost our DIL and Grandson too..Sin doesnt see the hurt hes causing everyone...youngest Son has been offered an amazing job in British Virgin Isles and moves in 3 weeks..my heart is breaking with everything we are basically loosing....my Husband seems totally void of any emotion around anything....is this what PD does to a PWP and am I expecting too much to ask for some support from him?
Keep posting John its good to read your posts and know that maybe my Husband is just very good at hiding his feelings....

Best wishes to you and your family

Denise

MrJohnnyParky

Hi Denise, I'm so sorry to hear about your family and the problems you are having to deal with on your own with regards to the PD. I'm not confident enough offer my opinion on everything as know all situations are different but have similarities. So I will tell you what helped me arrive at this juncture and hopefully it may be of use to you to help your husband come to terms.

When I look back over the past 10 years my thoughts have always been can't show the changes that are happening. Got to be stronger than the PD effects. People will treat like me is on his way out and think this and that of me and there has only been one person I have met that i knew who has thought the worst about what it will do to me is myself. 

The first step was the hardest and that was talking about PD and how I felt and I can say this with out a shadow of a doubt that i'm one of the most reluctant people to talk about anything personal to friends never mind strangers as brought up by my Father who kept it hidden and we had to as well. I even avoided the first 2 appointments as not ready to face it.

When I did meet her she asked me questions about illness and as I answered I began to realise that it was not just my illness that I was bravely fighting everyday for the benefit of all i knew, you don't know what I go through for everybody, tell how great i'm doing with it but a illness that i needed help with and broke down out of relief sharing all the bad parts that I hid inside so not to worry or concern anyone.

This has led me to this forum and been able to read  and write to other PWP at various stages of PD has made me see i'm not special for how i was coping with it. I can't give advice as i'm not trained or skilled enough but has your husband seen how it is fully effecting you. I wish you all the best and hope things can be worked out for you and show him the posts if possible as they opened my eyes.

My best wishes 

John

Glasgow girl

Thank you John for your honesty.

People tell me how strong i am and how geat i am dealing with PD.

To be truthful i am not. I absolutely do not like the person i have turned in to. My poor husband gets the worst of my moods.

Today is  bad day feel that cloud hanging which is not usually me.

i want to be able to do what everyone else Is doing. I hate these shakes and cramps in my legs are so bad.

Tomorrow another day hopefully back to my usual get up and go self.

Dont know what i will do with myself as cant go back to work. Due to my PD and rhumatoid arthtitis.

Thats my rant over.thanks to anyone if anyone who has listened. Xxx

 

TeeHee

So sorry you feeling this way it's tough.  I am a bit useless at saying the right thing,  but thinking of you GG.  No need to pretend on the forum that's the good part.  I bet your hubby loves you to bits moods or not and I bet you love him even if he is not perfect all the time.  xxx

Glasgow girl

Cheers TeeHee

Sometimes just putting down how you feel somehow makes you feel better.!!!

Thanks pal xxx

MrJohnnyParky

Hello anybody this thread (forum talk whoop whoop) is giving me the needle. so moved it to ParkyD Avenue.

It's the place to be where you can chat, rant or just be lazy

It's the place to be if you like a Author that's slightly crazy

it's the place to be to sing Barney the Dinosaur songs

it's the place to if you want a nap as jP goes on and on

it's the place to be and you get there by typing

it's the place to be as you'll be happy there at ParkyD&Smiling.