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Morbid thoughts

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farmers wife
Morbid thoughts

Does anyone have a side effect of sinemet which produces morbid thoughts about death and dying?   I am usually a rational person but cannot manage these over whelming thoughts of how I will die and what I have to do to prepare for my death.   I have never felt like this before and feel I am not depressed.   Any help would be appreciated as I am wasting my life constantly thinking like this.

samdog

Hi Farmer s wife

 

i must admit I feel like you, thinking about death a lot, but hadn t attributed it to medication . I take Madopar. I find doing something pleasurable which leaves no room for morbid thoughts is a good move. Anything that makes you feel good.

As you feel it s meds linked it might be worth talking to your PD nurse?

hope you get on top of it soon

bw

samdog

 

Hammer

Ditto that, I have been thinking about "putting my affairs in order" to make it easier for my daughter. Years ago when we discovered my bull terrier had renal failure I asked my vet "when do we put her down?" He replied "you'll know...when she's not having fun anymore"

It's never a bad thing to have things in order and an exit strategy but at 55 I really didn't think I'd be having little or no fun!

take care

sallyjt

I really don't think the thoughts are caused by madopar or sinemet.  I think they creep in once a chronic diagnosis has been made.  My symptoms began at 15 and at 16 was told I had a 'degenerative disease of my system' ie, PD.  That was over 30 years ago and from time to time I have considered death and how I would like to be in control etc.  I think it is natural to feel like this, but try not to dwell on it because you need find something to enjoy each day!

Suzynola7

Hi Sally,  can I ask how old you were when you were given a definate diagnosis of PD? Most of my problems started when i was 18 which is 10 years ago, i was looked at then but i dont think they believed me, Im finally seeing a neuro tomorrow! Sorry you are feeling this way farmers wife, i know in my case ive wanted to die justcos accepting you will suffer your whole life can be too much sometimes, i havent been suicidal as such but wouldnt care if i got hit by a bus. I dont know about the meds and if they would cause this, take care though x

farmers wife

So in summing up - the diagnosis of PD with no cure is probably causing my dark thoughts not the drug.   As to the advice to find something nice to think about; I do, but the thoughts overwhelm me that this pleasure is fleeting and pointless.    I am wondering if my mother's sudden death last year left me with unfinished business and maybe that has cause PTS.   You see we never got on and I was dumped in boarding school at 6 and most of my life I was aware that she did not relate to me on any grounds.   Enough said - thank you for your posts.   Carol

ezinda Parkinson's UK

Hi farmers wife

We've heard a lot of people say that dealing with a Parkinson's diagnosis can sometimes cause these feelings. 

We had a Q&A on depression on this forum. Whether or not you think this is what you're going through, there is advice and approaches there that could be helpful. Do take a look at http://bit.ly/1kmgNLn

I hope it helps,

Ezinda

samdog

Hi again

That s very hard for you. Have you thought about talking it through with a counsellor?Might help you to sort out your feelings

It s not good for PD to have a lot of negative thoughts

Thinking of you and wishing you all the best

samdog

sallyjt

I think the shock of losing someone, even in more positive circumstances, can trigger thoughts about one's own mortality.  It sounds like you do need to talk things through with someone. The fact that you've shared here makes me think this loss is playing on your mind.  However, remember PD can cause low mood, due to the lack of dopamine, let alone the psychological implications.  I take 20 mg citalopram every morning (this has been only for the last year) and this helps me to feel emotion.  For about a year before I just felt nothing.  I would say I wasn't depressed but I just didn't seem to have the capacity to look forward to doing enjoyable things.  It was just like going through the motions!. 

Re the other point, I was diagnosed at the age of 40, eight years ago now.  I believed I had PD due to the age of the internet and a massive amount of worldwide research and reading on my part.  My neurologist said my symptoms were Parkinson's-like but that it wasn't PD, even though my symptoms were pretty classic, eg. tremor in hands, spidery writing, dragging left leg, loss of balance, poor posture.  I think I was just a fraction ahead of my time, there were so few documented cases of juvenile PD it just wasn't recognised and after that I slipped through the loop!  However, I always put myself up for medical research and it was when I was 40 one discerning researcher said he though I did have PD and he applied for funding for me to have a DAT scan which proved conclusive. 

I don't have any regrets about this lack of diagnosis, as it meant I didn't have sinemet until I was desperate and I was prescribed it 'as a shot in the dark' when I was 27 and just about to get married.  My response to this drug was nothing short of a miracle! I now know that both my parents had faulty genes which didn't effect them, but produced me!

Suzynola7

Thanks for sharing Sally, where did you find out about medical research? Ive looked into it before but didnt really get anywhere. Its crazy it took so long to diagnose you when they thought you had that kind of problem when you were 16! Im glad you finally got somewhere though, sorry to all of you that have struggled though x

Leyther

Hi Sally 

I also noted my first PD symptoms at an early age. In 1983 at the age of 21 I started with back pain between my right shoulder blade and spine which slowly spread over the next 15 years affecting my lower back and neck.  I saw countless physios etc but any success in helping alleviate the pain was short lived. 

At the age of 35 the symptoms escalated and by the age of 40 my right side was gone, walking with a limp, non swinging arm etc all the classic symptoms of pd. At this point I went to see a physio through my GP and this led to my diagnosis of PD.

When I was prescribed Mirapexin the back pain disappeared and for the first time in 20 years I was able to sleep on my right side without discomfort. Because of this I have associated my early back problems with PD.

i would be grateful if you could tell me:

How did  the symptoms first manifest with you and did you receive treatment at 16?

What happened to the symptoms and how were you treated between  16 and 27 and 27 and 27 and 40?

Sorry to quiz you but I'm very interested in how PD develops and you seem to be comparable to my own situation. 

Regards

Leyther

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