Hi

I would be really grateful to hear of people's experience with anti-depressants. I've coped pretty positively with PD since diagnosis in 2003 (aged 46), mainly by ensuring that I feel in control of how I deal with this *****!! disease and not letting it take over my life.

During the last 5 years I've gone through a really horrible and gruelling divorce and have had lots of quite horrendous difficulties with my son - aged 28 - who has Aspergers and is a great worry to me. I also have increasingly frantic money worries (can't sell house to release funds to live on) and due to PD occupational health have reduced my working hours to one day a week and I miss the social interaction. There have also been lots of other worries and in fact my GP told me that she'd never had a patient deal so well with so much relentless stress!

However my daughter left home in September and since then I have felt I'm losing it. Since mid December I've been a complete mess. Despite the fact that my ex was (and continues to be) very emotionally abusive and also used to push me over and physically hurt me I find myself constantly - obsessively - wishing I had never divorced him and that I was still in a 'family'. My intelligent self knows this is crazy - he's horrible - but I can't believe the level of psychological pain these thoughts cause. I feel most of the time as though my chest has been ripped open and my heart smashed to bits with a nail-studded club.It literally takes my breath away at times.

From being highly motivated and enthusiastic I've become totally apathetic. When I'm on my own I just sit in front of the TV or cry.It sounds pathetic but I can't even make myself cook a 'meal' and live on biscuits. Generally I keep up a positive image in front of other people but over the past few weeks I've found myself breaking down in front of close friends. Before Christmas my GP suggested these feelings were due to over medication (125mg madopar and 200mg entacapone 4x day plus Azilect).However my very good PD nurse disagreed. Physically I'm better than I've been for years. A friend was so worried she arranged for a senior psychiatrist to visit me at home. (excellent NHS provision round here!)His view was that I was psychologically 'very resilient and well adjusted' and had no mental illness but was under 'huge amounts of stress'.

I don't know what to think except that I simply can't go on like this. I'm sure if I asked my PD nurse she would arrange for some anti depressants.However, I am slightly cynical about their effectiveness and don't want to mess up my very beneficial medication balance.

What I would like to know is whether others have actually found anti-depressants to be effective in this sort of situation and which type? Are there really drugs out there that could turn me back into a rational human being instead of a wreck?? I know it's a 'how long is a piece of string' qestion as we're all so different but any expereinces would be so helpful as I feel I'm groping, increasingly desperately, in the dark.

Many thanks for reading all this rabbitting on.
Any advice welcome.

Wobbly

Hello Wobbly, I hope my experiences help you to make up your mind about antidepressants.

Up to 2 years ago I was aa children and families social worker. I worked in child protection, adoption aand fostering. I was a strong resilient woman who had been through a divorce and numerous difficult personal experiences. Initially when I was dx, nine years ago. I felt that i managed very well despite being offered anti depressants from my neuro on more than one occasion. I was very reluctant to commit to taking any more medication than I had to.

suddenly, for no apparant raeson I went to peices. i cried for almost any reason and struggled to keep it together, like you are doing now. I decieded to agree to the anti depressants and I have never regretted that decision. they stabalised me and gave me back self respect and dignity.

I hope that this has helped, take care.

Glenchass

Hi Glenchass

Thankyou so much for your reply, it's really helpful to hear such a similar experience. I'm so glad you found your 'self' again - and it gives me hope that I can too.

Best wishes
Wobbly

Dear Wobbly
Your post struck a cord with me. Although i dont have PD, I can relate to a lot of what you have said. I have also been through an acrimonious divorce (8 years ago now and my ex still causes me endless grief over the children), numerous other stresses including the death of my sister-in-law 4 years ago, and most recently my current husband's PD diagnosis (18 months ago). Going back 8 years, i was in a very similar place to you. Very apathetic, totally lacking energy to deal with the simplest of tasks and constantly feeling like/or actually bursting into tears. As I had to take care of my four children (who were between 2 and 9 at the time) I had to do something. I was very reluctant to go on antidepressants but couldnt carry on as I was. I have been on a low dose antidepressant (sertraline) for the last 8 years. I truly believe this has helped me to stay sane under difficult circumstances. I did have some mild side effects for the first few months, but my body adjusted and i believe they have helped me no end. I have no intention of coming off them in the near future.
At the end of the day, it is your decision and no-one elses but it may be worth a shot. Ultimately you have one life and you deserve to make the best of it.
Please do not think yourself pathetic. That you are not. You are simply struggling to cope with all that life has thrown in your direction.
Wishing you all the best
Carrot

I agree with the PD nurse that your PD medication is not excessive and almost certainly will not be the cause of /or contribute to your depression. Depression is common in PD (40% is the usual figure given), because of the low dopamine levels and sometimes an increase in the PD medication can improve your mood.

Hi Wobbly, I think the above replies are really helpful, my experience was that I was beginning to lose the plot, I was getting upset by the smallest thing, started crying a lot things that shouldn't have upset me sent me off on one and I began to worry about silly things that weren't important my pd nurse said we need a chat, my dr prescribed anti depressants, and things are a lot better now. I was told that depression can be caused by pd, it affects other parts of the brain.

I have found I am much better taking them, they help a lot hubby calls them my happy tablets
hope things get better
regards
Gill10

Many thanks to all for the helpful replies. I think I will call the PD nurse and have a chat about anti depressants.

Nothing ventured, nothing gained!
Wobbly

My GP wanted to prescribe Sertraline (?) for me to help me cope with the depression but although I had the prescription made up, after reading the leaflet I decided not to take them. This was a year ago and the depression is still there despite trying to improve my fitness, get out more, etc etc. I think I need to go back to him and bite the bullet. Thanks to this forum for making me make my mind up.

happy new year to everyone

Jennyb, if you read the leaflet on every medication you would never take it

Hi all
I agree with Carole. Speed read leaflets, learn what you need to know, eg. if there's anything you need to avoid foodwise and then take the rest with a pinch of salt. If meds cause a problem you can always come off them again. If you took notice of everything in the leaflet, you'd never take anything.
Carrot