Universal Creation
Whilst watching the excellent program on BBC this evening on what existed before the Big Bang, I heard someone say that the universe was created around 13.7 billion (1.37×1010) years ago on a Thursday afternoon.

I find this disconcerting. Cosmologists know it was a Thursday but don't know which month it was. So they knew days of the week but not months, this seems very suspect. Also, time seems to have started at that moment but the calender must have been going beforehand, otherwise they wouldn't have noticed it was a Thursday. Today is also a Thursday, of course, is this why the program was transmitted today ? Coincidence, or maybe there is a more sinister reason ?

Since PUK is the font of all wisdom, I thought someone here might know, or at least have a good idea, or maybe just a stupid remark to make. Only make it soon, because the Cosmic Canonball is coming to a nearby part of space Any Time Real Soon.

Cosmic Cannonball snapped blazing a bloody trail of star guts ? The Register

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Needless to say, you misheard the relevant statement. What was actually said was that the universe was created 13.7 billion years ago on a thirsty afternoon.

It has been estimated that sorting, allocating, assigning and despatching of all that cosmic flotsam and jetsam would take somewhat more than 12 hours, taking the tasks' completion well into the afternoon. And of course all of that big-banging and propelling of assorted particles many parsecs into the uncharted intergalactic wilderness creates much heat and requires the utilisation of an extremely high erg count. Both of these factors combine to have a detrimental effect on the project's critical path analysis, and necessitate the consumption of a minimum of 10 pints of Orkney Skull Splitter per contributing humanoid in order to rectify this anomaly.
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Well I never, Thirsty afternoon. Thank you ROS for your reply.

Radz xx

It was scheduled for a Tuesday morning but it was delayed as one of the magnets had to be re-aligned in the previous universe's hadron collider.



or is that too obscure???

Look, creating the universe isn't exactly a job for two blokes with a white transit van and a ladder on top, and a brother-in-law who helps when his boss has gone home early, I mean we are talking big time here, even if it was all in one lump*.


And to get it finished by Thursday (one presumes by knocking-off time, say 5 p.m. although it's a moot point as they could set the clock at any time they liked and it would start there - they would have had to start fairly early Monday morning after the tea and jam butties.

Or did they work for all eternity (clock not running) and set the day of the week as well as the time just as they finished ? If so, why not start the universe and the week right and set it to 00:00z on the 1st of January at year 0000 ? These are worrying matters and I think the BBC has raised more problems than it's solved.

P.S. That's not background radiation we are picking up, it's echos of the paint-splattered broken-antenna'd transistor radio tuned to a celestial version of the Light Program that builders always carry with them.

* I wonder how big this lump was ? Yes, they do say infinitely small, but compared to the eventual size of the universe that doesn't mean tiny, it could have been sized like a football or more like a rugby ball given the final shape....... And was it smooth-sided or did it have bits of matter sticking out like grape seeds in a turd ? And most importantly, what colour was it ?

I think we're talking about the size of a pea here. After all, by the time the Transit gets from Essex to site the 27 occupants will need a damn good pee.

lets see if I am following this.......
Assuming they take sugar in their tea and are drinking it at a steady rate in the back of the transit (before and after it collides with Hadron's wall) then by the time they reach Epping it will be very sweet pee indeed.

yes? no?

EF

They will collapse into a tiny particle of infinite density called a singularity. Having spent ages trying to find the Higgs bosun, only to discover that he retired from the Merchant Navy years ago. But if space/time really is curved they will soon find themselves back where they started before they set out.

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Well you must remember that all singularities cease the instant you get spliced; you then become married-ill-at-ease. (Incidentally I wed my first wife in Epping, so you know what you can do with your effing forest).

Unfortunately I don't know whether or not space-time is curved, but I do know that air is, because I bought their first album.

Anyway, as every schoolboy knows the M25 motorway has been built directly beneath Epping Forest, and being a 110-mile ring road it will make an excellent Phase II Harlow Collider, although we'll have to agree in advance the Dartford Crossing charges for sub-atomic particles.

Then, with our Transit crew highly experienced in collision engineering and pea-brain confusion, they can undertake a preliminary mission to the sweet shop for a Mars, a Milky Way and a Galaxy, and then head off into the darkness just in time to complete the Universal Creation by thirsty afternoon.

Well, it'll make a great movie......


A Universal Creation
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Maybe like me (white van man )they were hard of hearing Thursday thirsty as in its Thursday so am I
have lets a cup of tea As for the the M25 thats a out of the world thing even in a cosmic massive 27 seaters
I went round on Wednesday or windy and needed more than a Mars its was a Marathon