.
This thread is for anyone to unload anything they want. If you just feel like writing something down, good or bad, and you're no poet or eloquent wordsmith, this is the place for you.

Normal chat & stuff can continue in the Cafe, Nellie's or Night Sett. This is more for private thoughts, feelings, worries, whatever. It's yours, use it as you wish. Nothing offensive, though.

Go ahead, it'll make you feel better!
.

seriously fed up with feeling ill now, been months of nausea trying to build up the meds. Now they tell me they obviously don't suit me and I have to cut them down again!!!!!!!

Even on the full dose it is not controlling the pain i get in my shoulder and to add insult to injury I now have stomach tremors

NOT HAPPY!!!!

Thanks Ray, feel better for the rant

Why do I worry about having told somebody about something that is worrying me?

Want to open up but can't ..

Yes you can. No-one's looking.

Everyone knows I lost everything as a result of getting PD and then being prescribed DAs for 7 years. The DAs have gone but I remain a sad, miserable, deteriorating Parkie, staring out of the window at this grubby, neglected backstreet as the drunks stagger past shouting abuse at my neighbours for daring to be born outside the UK.

I no longer drive, and my legs are no longer strong enough to walk me to the all night supermarket/off-licence at the top of the street, or all the bars with their 3.30 am licences. Not that I’d want to, I’ve had no alcohol for 4 years due to drug clashes. I can’t recall leaving the house at all for over 2 years, apart from for medical appointments. Sometimes I’ve even been unable to get out of bed to attend such appointments, but the PD team refuses to attend patients’ homes under any circumstances.

Life’s a bummer, isn’t it? I was born and raised on a North London council estate, where I watched the majority of those around me drift into pretty worthless jobs (or not), and raise too many kids, with the financial help of the State. I decided to aim for something better, and thereafter worked my nuts off to build a successful career in Senior IT management.

I look back at the 30 years from 1970 to 2000 and I’m stunned at how hard I worked to build a comfortable life for my family and me. THIS is what pi**es me off so much. Not losing the lifestyle or the money. Not the divorce. Not leaving the big house by the sea and ending up in this slum. Not even the slagging off I got in the press after my court appearance.

It’s the fact that for 30 years I grafted and grafted. I worked SO bloody hard it makes me cry. All for nothing. I started out as a trainee, working long shift hours and riding home on bike or moped in the middle of the night in the rain. I worked my way up the ladder, doing long, long hours driving up and down the country for meetings with clients and colleagues when I could have been at home or down the pub. Most weekends found me writing reports or preparing well researched presentations – usually for idiots.

But I’d left those estate occupants long behind, and pushed and pushed myself to my limits and beyond. I’d achieved my goals, and confirmed my philosophy that working bloody hard DOES bring you the rewards you seek.

Yet now I’ve got less than I would have had if I’d just sat on my backside all my life. In fact although I’d probably still have got PD, I would have ended up with another Neuro, & thus would almost certainly never have been mis-prescribed DAs.

Yes, I’d still have PD, but no other worries or regrets, and I wouldn’t have wasted my life working my bullocks off so ultimately pointlessly. And one thing’s for sure, I would have had much less stress in my life, so my PD would probably have still been in its early stages right now. It may still have not even manifested itself yet!

What a waste of a life, and a mountain of effort!

Ray yours has not been a waste of life. Certainly you have suffered, lost material 'stuff' and hope but the experiencies you have had are now being passed on to others who have and will benefit from your life.

You can give advice and encouragement to those who are feeling as though they are the only ones going through this crazy journey we are all on. Don't ever think that this is not worth anything. When I first posted I must admit I was frightened about some of the things that you said had happened but now, having learned more about PD can put into context and appreciate the time that you have taken to research and post information for us all to share.

Keep posting Walter Mattieu!

I am grappling in the dark here. I haven't yet got my words in order. But I know what I feel & want to say it to anyone who feels worthless.
There is no such thing as a wasted life. Unless you define meaningful by such things as wealth, attractiveness & recognition. And to do that is to base self worth on external appearances.
Every human life impacts upon every other life. Only if motivated purely by greed, total disregard for anothers welfare would I think this to be without merit.
As regards contributors to this forum, I have yet to come across anyone whose views & experiences are not valuable. And for those who feel able & willing to "lay themselves bare" with a view to helping others avoid some pitfalls that brought them to the brink of despair - this cannot be the result of wasted pointless past experiences but rather to the truth of who they really are

Bless you both xx

Hi,
I think this thread may prove popular.I don,t know if anybody else gets that welling up sad feeling that brings tears to the eyes when reading these postings.I just wish i had a magic wand to make all well for those who are struggling.
Ray,
Can i start with the originator of this thread.You amaze me with the strength of character you show.Although you have a myriad of troubles of your own,you come on this forum and like a Rock you impart words of comfort,help and advice that have saved countless numbers of pwp from disaster,or helped them stay on track when all seemed lost.You have done well Ray,are doing well in the face of adversity.I feel like coming round and taking you out for a drink.Have a big conversation,to let you know that your life has not and is not a waste.
Annebernadette,
Again,what can i say.Always there for others and this in the face of the ultimate of hardships.I will never forget that posting you left,in the midst of your grief.Annebernadette my admiration for you cannot be expressaed in words.
Posh Bird,
Everyone has their own way of coping.Enjoy your holiday and come back to friends on here who will listen and understand.Share your troubles.
Caroline,
Stick with it,you will get there in the end,you will find the solution eventually,probably through all the knowledgable people here rather than your Neuro.
Pebble,
Your help and understanding of others is refreshing,take care also.
I will use this thread in future,as usual Ray you have an uncanny knack of putting threads up at just the right time.You are irreplaceable.
All the best to everyone
Titan