***Don***

I am sitting with my laptop and a cup of bovril, my hand hovering over the little black mouse. I had been to this website may times before and know it is safe.

I sometimes wondered why I am doing this, it isn't that I enjoy it so much as the hope of being stimulated mentally and physically. But the hope is never met. When I was a lad I was easily aroused, but now there is no response. I've looked at increasingly strange images, impossible contortions, imaginative accessories, peculiar combinations - but to no avail.

Now there is only one option left - the webcam. To interact with a live human being instead of a dead image might do the trick. My finger clicks the mouse, I can't say whether it is intentional or not. And there before me is a menu of sorts - semi-naked ladies, one out of place young man and a couple of individuals who claim to be of both genders and probably are.

Some of the ladies seem unhappy. They look like they might have been forced, one way or another, into this employment and I couldn't stand that. It would be like being a rapist. The eastern european ladies seem more positive, especially the Russians. They seem to be quite in control and independent. They are also rather beautiful.

I soon narrow my choice down to two - a fulsome blonde woman called Ivanna Doit and rather pathetic girl with her brown hair in two bunches called LittleTanya. Most of what is visible of Ivanna is a pair of large breasts, partially hidden behind her hands. All that is visible of Tanya is her elfish face with large soulful brown eyes. I click.

I am in Tanya's bedroom viewing it from the camera attached to her computer. Behind her on the bed and on the shelves are stuffed toy animals.

Tanya is staring straight at the camera, her deep sad brown eyes looking directly at me in a way no-one else had ever done. I am transfixed. I want to stare deep into her eyes for ever. Nothing more, nothing less.

Of course she can't see me as my camera is switched off. I try to send her a message but I am not registered yet.

She is typing a message to some oaf called Donky. He had made a very vulgar suggestion. There seemed to be a competition between Donky and one Pantsfull about who could be the most unpleasant. But Tanya seemed to take it all in her stride and types back her own suggestion which is mainly to come up with some money quick if they want their requests granted.

Tanya disappears and is replaced by a window asking for my credit card details. Should I? Tanya - for you anything, I give them my card details and am sent back to the home page.

When I return to Tanya, she is gone. Probably submitting herself to Donky's lurid commands. I curse myself for being so slow. I shut down my laptop and lie in bed, haunted for hours by those brown eyes until I fall asleep.

***Natasha***

The new snow from the superette to my block of flats is slippery. The block really is mine - I own six of twelve units. I invest earnings and what Father left me in things practical. Something that won't go overnight like stocks or bonds.

Sky is dull and grey today. I do not care, I live in another world. There I am like Circe - Tanya queen of the swine. Is funny - the swine leave feeling like big man in control but I keep the money and they struggle to pay monthly bills.

My unit is smallest, I make money from big units for families, but is warm enough. I sleep on the convertible chair-bed in the main room.

I change into my other self - bit of schoolgirl, hair up, little makeup. I am 27 but small. My pets never say about it but it seems to be what they need.

I position myself carefully in front of camera and login to see if any of my little piggies are desperate for a feed.

Only a newcomer - DonQ, so similar to Donky. I could do with another Donky to pay for plumbing in unit 6.

'Hi big boy'

***Don***

There she is - speaking or rather typing to me

'Hello'

'Do you want to join me in a private chat?'
'Yes i do'

Tanya positions the camera to show more of herself.

'I only want to see your face'

She looks slightly annoyed, as if I was a difficult customer.

'Then show me your face'

I open the camera, a small light comes on.

Tanya jumps up, a hand over her mouth, the other hand pointing at me. Her eyes are wide open, her eyebrows raised - the look of fear, the look of terror. If this is acting it is very convincing

I must admit to being somewhat surprised by this reaction. I am not handsome, but not quite that repulsive either.

She backs towards the bed, falls over it. Next rabbits and puppies are flying towards me, or rather the camera.

She is screaming - silently. I struggle to shut down the camera as soon as possible.

I find myself looking at the menu again. I am disgusted, hurt, confused. I snap the lid and hurl the computer across the room. But aiming for the sofa. I can't afford a replacement.

******
Natasha uncovered her eyes to find the His image had gone. She rushed over to the computer and switched it off before it could return, tripping over soft toys on the way.

She lay on the bed once more, crying, for some time.

It couldn't have been Him of course. She knew that - it was just someone who looked a little like Him. Perverts like that always upset her. Not that it happened often. Creepy men who want to get inside her head and mess with her private thoughts. Give me Donky any day of the week - at least the pigs know some boundaries.

She looked into the mirror and thought, for a heartbeat, that He was standing behind her. She put her fist into her mouth and bit hard, tears slowly reforming in her lashes. She hadn't thought about Him for months, she had hoped ... but of course it would take radical surgery to remove those memories for good.

***Don*****

I resolve to apologise to Tanya. I can see now how I must have appeared - as some deranged loony instead of an honest sex fiend who was accidentally infatuated.

I type up my apology so I can send it before she has a chance to log me off.

dear Tanya
I am sorry if I upset you
I shall go now and return just once to see you are ok and say that
if I can ever be of assistance, please let me help
don q

**********
Natalia is drinking coffee in the kitchenette.
She hears footsteps on the stairs. Slow deliberate footsteps.
She can feel the rapid pulse in her temple. Her mouth is dry. Like a hedgehog she rolls into a tight ball on the floor, alternating between moaning and terrified silence.

The footsteps stop outside her door. And then carry on up the stairs. She breathes again. He will never leave her alone - He will always be there in her head.

When she has recovered, she prepares herself and logs on. One customer is waiting. It is the pervert. He started all this somehow. He has sent a message 'if I can ever be...'
'Yes you can' she replies...

***Natasha*****
So all is arranged. I shall kill him. This time he will not escape.

***Don****
I have printed out my instructions. They are very clear, especially the command not to translate the Russian bits.

I log on. There is Tanya looking very serious. She has arranged it so that we will not be disturbed. I switch on the camera. She flinches.

I send the first command in cyrillic. She reluctantly follows the command and she lies on the bed nearly naked.

I send the second command. Oh my God, surely it didn't say that!

My hand is trembling at the third command, I am horrified with myself that this is becoming stimulating.

She looks at the command and shouts 'NYET!'. Even I understand that word.

As ordered I send it again.

'NYET!'

I send the last command which is very short and threatening looking.

Oh my God she's got a...

***Natasha****

No! For the last time no! You won't threaten me again.

I pull out the Makarov he left, release safety and fire into the computer screen at that hateful face.. It explodes gratifyingly and falls of desk, the cartridge smashes into glass cabinet behind me.
I fire all eight rounds into the screen. I try to fire more but is empty. I throw pistol at computer.

I scream - Die Daddy die, I am not yours anymore.

And I know that you are really dead not like when you escaped justice and my revenge in your cell, hanging from the window bars still mocking me with that hideous grin.

I cry from happiness. I am free. I hear police sirens but do not care. I laugh when they break down the door.

***Don****

Well Donald Quigley that was a turnup for the books.

I am more than shocked. I am stunned I'm not at all sure I understand but anyway I will destroy the instructions as she asked and try to forget - a bit like Boggie in Casablanca.

Its sad I won't see those big eyes again.

Perhaps viagra will be less - eventful?

You know I think I actually saw the bullet...scared the wi...well lets just say it was rather more than I'd bargained for. Russians!

In the meantime - some cheese and crackers and a nice cup of tea.

Hello turnip

I see that fifteen people have read your story but nobody has commented. I must have been one of the first to read it at about seven thirty this morning. I'm sorry, turnip, but I didn't really 'get' it then, so I will read it again and report back.

Lin
xx

i'm afraid its too confusing! makes sense to me but then i know whats going on.
oops.

Sorry, have re-read. I am confused. Are you going to edit? I once wrote a kid's story and read it to my class. They were amazingly honest critics.
I don't write stories anymore but I enjoy reading yours.

Lin
xx

Actually, having read it twice it does make sense even though it is a rather 'deep' story - even 'dark', but enjoyable.

thank you Lin and Mike

embarassing though it is, I think i had better explain the plot!

natasha (aka tanya) was violently abused by her father as a teenager
her father hanged himself in prison before she could confront him
she takes to re-enacting the abuse on a sex-webcam site where she is in control of her abusers
along come don
don sort of falls for her
but he looks like her father and sets of panic attacks and hallucinations
she decides to 'kill' her father by shooting don's image on the computer
don doesnt know whats going on but is just following a script sent to him by natasha
natasha is freed from her fears and don decides to leave webcam sites alone

perhaps a tad ambitious to put it mildly as the plot is 'explained' backwards in the story.

Yup got most of it.

Regards,

Mike.

I got most of it at one reading albeit a very careful reading. As mike says it is quite dark but very thought provoking. Thanks for sharing.

EF

my apologies for the first version, I believe this version is more easily understood.
I don't epect anyone to read it but I wouldn't like the first version to remain unfinished.

***Don - somewhere in England***

I am sitting with my laptop, my hand hovering over the little black mouse. I had been thinking about visiting this webcam site for some time. I know I shouldn't be. I sometimes wondered why I am doing this, it isn't that I enjoy it so much as the hope of being stimulated mentally and physically. But the hope is never met. When I was a lad I was easily aroused, but now there is no response. I've looked at increasingly strange images, impossible contortions, imaginative accessories, peculiar combinations - but to no avail.

Now there is only one option left - the webcam. To interact with a live human being instead of a dead image might do the trick. My finger clicks the mouse, I can't say whether it is intentional or not. And there before me is a menu of sorts - semi-naked ladies, one out of place young man and a couple of individuals who claim to be of both genders and probably are.

Some of the ladies seem unhappy. They look like they might have been forced, one way or another, into this employment and I couldn't stand that. It would be like being a rapist. The eastern european ladies seem more positive, especially the Russians. They seem to be quite in control and independent. They are also rather beautiful.

I scan the pictures until I spot a rather pathetic girl with her brown hair in two bunches called LittleTanya. Most of the other ladies show a great deal but all that is visible of Tanya is her elfish face with large soulfull brown eyes. I click.

I am in Tanya's bedroom viewing it from the camera attached to her computer. Behind her on the bed and on the shelves are stuffed toy animals.

Tanya is staring straight at the camera, her deep sad brown eyes looking directly at me in a way no-one else had ever done. I am transfixed. I want to stare deep into her eyes for ever. Nothing more, nothing less.

Of course she can't see me as my camera is switched off. I try to send her a message but I am not registered yet.

She is typing a message to some oaf called Donky. He had made a very vulgar suggestion. But Tanya seemed to take it all in her stride and types back her own suggestion which is mainly to come up with some money quick if he want his requests granted.

Tanya disappears and is replaced by a window asking for my credit card details. Should I? Tanya - for you anything, I give them my card details and am sent back to the home page.

When I return to Tanya, she is gone. Probably submitting herself to Donky's lurid commands. I curse myself for being so slow. I shut down my laptop and lie in bed, haunted for hours by those brown eyes until I fall asleep.

***Tanya - somewhere in Russia***

The new snow from the superette to my block of flats is slippery. The block really is mine - I own six of twelve units. I invest earnings and what Father left me in things practical. Something that won't go overnight like stocks or bonds.

Sky is dull and grey today. I do not care, I live in another world. There I am like a queen - Tanya queen of the swine. Is funny - the swine leave feeling like big man in control but I keep the money and they struggle to pay monthly bills.

My unit is smallest, I make money from big units for families, but is warm enough. I sleep on the convertible chair-bed in the main room.

I change into my other self - bit of schoolgirl, hair up, little makup. I am 27 but small. My pigs never say about it but it seems to be what they need.

I position myself carefully in front of camera and login to see if any of my little piggies are desperate for a feed.

Only a newcomer - DonQ, so similar to Donky. I could do with another Donky to pay for plumbing in unit 6.

'Hi big boy'

***Don***

There she is - speaking or rather typing to me

'Hello'

'Do you want to join me in a private chat?'
'Yes i do'

Tanya positions the camera to show more of herself.

'I only want to see your face'

She looks slightly annoyed, as if I was a difficult customer.

'Then show me your face'

I open the camera, a small light comes on.

Something is wrong.Tanya jumps up, a hand over her mouth, the other hand pointing at me. She is shaking her head .Her eyes are wide open, her eyebrows raised - the look of fear, the look of terror.

I must admit to being somewhat surprised by this reaction. I am not handsome, but not quite this scary either.

She backs towards the bed, falls on to it. Next toy rabbits and puppies are flying towards me, or rather the camera.

She is shouting at me, at the screen. I struggle to shut down the camera as soon as possible.

I find myself looking at the menu again. I am hurt, confused. I snap the lid and hurl the computer across the room. But aiming for the sofa. I can't afford a replacement.

****Russia**
Tanya uncovered her eyes to find the Monster's image had gone. She rushed over to the computer and switched it off before it could return, tripping over soft toys on the way.

She lay on the bed once more, crying, for some time.

It couldn't have been Him of course. She knew that that was impossible - it was just someone who looked like Him. Perverts like that Englishman always upset her.Creepy men who want to get inside her head and mess with her private thoughts. Give me Donky any day of the week - at least the pigs know some boundaries.

She looked into the mirror and thought, for a heartbeat, that He was standing behind her. She put her fist into her mouth and bit hard, tears slowly reforming in her lashes. She hadn't thought about Him for months, she had hoped ... but of course it would take radical surgery to remove those memories for good.

***Don somewhere in England*****

I resolve to apologise to Tanya. I can see now how I must have appeared - as some deranged loony instead of an honest customer who was accidently infatuated.

I type up my apology so I can send it before she has a chance to log me off.

dear Tanya
I am sorry if I upset you
I shall go now and return just once to see you are ok and say that
if I can ever be of assistance, please let me help
don q

*****Russia*****
Tanya is drinking coffee in the kitchette.
She hears footsteps on the stairs. Slow deliberate footsteps. It can't be Him she says to herself, it can't be her Monster.

She can feel the rapid pulse in her temple. Her mouth is dry. Like a hedgehog she rolls into a tight ball on the floor, alternating between moanning and terrified silence.

The footsteps stop outside her door. It can't be him, it can't - he's dead. And then carry on up the stairs. She breathes again. He will never leave her alone - He will always be there in her head. Even after death.

When she has recovered, she prepares herself and logs on. One customer is waiting. It is the English pervert. He started all this somehow. He has sent a message 'if I can ever be...'
'Yes you can' she replies...

***Tanya*****
So all is arranged. I shall kill him. This time he will not escape me.

***Don somewhere in England****

I have printed out my instructions from Tanya. They are very clear, especially the command not to translate the russian phrases. I will do whatever I can to help her. Exactly as she requested.

I log on. There is Tanya looking very serious. She has arranged it so that we will not be disturbed. I switch on the camera. She flinches. I wish she didn't.

I copy, paste and send the first phrase in cyrillic. She reluclantly follows what it commands and lies on the bed nearly naked.

I send the second phrase. Oh my God, surely it did't say that!

My hand is trembling at the third phrase, I am horrified with what she might do next.

She gets up and stares angrily at screen and shouts 'NYET!'. Even I understand that word.

As she had instructed, I re-send the previous phrase.

'NYET!'

I send the last command which is very short.

Oh my God she's got a...

***Tanya somewhere in Russia****

No! For the last time no! You won't threaten me again you Monster!

I pull out the Makarov Father left, release safety and fire into the computer screen at his hateful face.. It explodes gratfyingly and falls of desk, the catridge smashes into glass cabinet behind me.

I fire all eight rounds into the screen. I try to fire more but is empty. I throw pistol at computer.

I scream - Die Father die, I am not your victim to torture anymore. Die you Monster!

And I know that he is really dead not like when he escaped justice and my revenge in his prison cell, hanging from the window bars mocking me with that hideous grin.

I cry from happiness. I am free. I hear police sirens but do not care. I laugh when they break down the door.

***Don somewhere in England****

Well Donald that will learn you to mess about on the internet..

I am more than shocked. I am stunned. I don't think I understand what happened but anyway I will destroy the instructions as she asked and try to forget - a bit like Boggie in Casablanca.

Its sad I won't see those big eyes again.

Perhaps viagra will be less - eventful?

You know I think I actually saw the bullet...scared the wi...well lets just say it was rather more than I'd bargained for. Russians!

In the meantime - some cheese and crackers and a nice cup of tea.

Perhaps I should plan a holiday - somewhere exotic, like... like Russia?

Morning turnip,
Your explanation helped this time.

Lin
xx