Hi all...

I was diagnosed 12 months ago. I have just completed a book of poems which I am making available free to download.

Here are the first 3 poems ... enjoy


1. Big river in Egypt – Denial


When I lost my sense of smell
It’s just due to stress … I ‘d say
Very sure of myself I was
It will return again some day

My left shoulder is always tight
From typing on my PC
A massage I’m sure will make it better
There’s nothing wrong with me

I toss and turn when in my bed
Struggle to find a slumber peace
Must be the mattress … I’ll get it changed
That will bring my body back to ease

I sweat at night my bed’s awash
My room it’s just too warm
Change the bedding, open window
My body will be back to norm

I get tired by mid afternoon
Require a Nanna-nap
My body feels fatigue, lethargic
Gee getting old is crap

My left arm has become lazy
It won’t swing when I walk
I call it Gammy when it begins to shake
To my doctor I must talk

Series of tests walk and reflex
Touch my finger to my nose
You have Parkinson’s disease young man
My Neurologist did propose

It all makes sense now the sleep, fatigue
Why my face has lost its smile
The signs have been there all along
But I was living in denial


2. Introducing Parky to my sons


How do I talk of Parky to my sons
Must deal with it in stealth
For a dad’s supposed to always be there
In strength and in good health

But unfair to say nothing
For I’m sure that they can see
As time goes by they notice changes
And a different me

At dinner table with food in belly
I start a serious talk
Slowly I reveal my journey
As my tongue turns into chalk

The big round eyes and attentive stare
Shows maturity beyond their age
One son leans in – hangs on each word
Whilst the other hides his rage

Tis hard for a son that dad’s not well
But they take it in their stride
Hanging hopes on my positive attitude
Lessons well learnt they confide

The fear in their eyes betrays
The strength they try to show
We hug each other and deep inside
I am glad that they now know

Together we make light of Parky
My shaking left hand they tease
Hold my drink in your right they say
And give a gentle squeeze

When I take a bath they say
Throw some washing in and shake
Save on power and sell the washer
Of Parky such jokes we make

As hard as I thought in my own mind
That telling them would be
They seem to have grown up overnight
A big relief to me

For I know that deep in my heart
They will be my strength
To be there for me … to ease my pain
They will go to any length


3. Where is my man?


The spontaneous man that I so love
He seems to be no more
Lost in thought, in vague confusion
A bottle cast out on the shore

From outside he looks the same
His features strong, his spirit free
But inside there a battle rages
Which only I can see

The quick wit gone it has been replaced
With a stare which seems to scream
What’s wrong with you, I am still the same
But it’s whispered from a dream

The voice is soft and hard to hear
But to say so may offend
I find it hard to decipher which am I
Nurse or his best friend

I catch myself in my pity and anger
Makes me want to scream and kick
Why am I feeling so selfish
When he’s the one who’s sick

I pull myself together
Muster up my strength and poise
Try to focus on good thoughts
And cut through my minds noise

Today’s been tough but it will pass
For tomorrow I live in hope
That we shall have a better day
On a positive upward slope

For my love for him is stronger today
Than all my yesterdays to care
And when I look into his hollow eyes
I see his spirit is strong in there

Come back to me from medicated state
And let our spirits dance once more
For my heart it awaits your embrace
As it did before

Let’s speed up time and maybe then
We can break this trend
And you’ll return to me whole once more
I miss you my best friend


Poetry by Jovo Cirkovic www.murfic.com.au

I can identify with lots of the things/thoughts/feelings you have written about. I have written many, many poems on these subjects too - most of them posted somewhere in this Creative Corner.
I hope you will post more of your work here.

Lin
xx

Thanks Lin

I will post more ... but you can also download the complete book in PDF from my website free www.murfic.com.au Jovo

I think these are lovely poems and especially No. 3 which I relate to so much its as though it was written for me lol. Well done and may you long continue adding your poems. I love reading them all from everyone :) I wish I was so talented.

Sue

Thanks PUK freinds for the nice feedback on my poems.
Here are the next three from my book.

If you want ... please download the book free at www.murfic.com.au

Fallen leaves upon the grass

Medicated I must walk through life
Not sure of the benefit that shall pass
One thing I know which hurts my love
A loss of spontaneity … fallen leaves upon the grass

The quick wit gone … intelligence blurred
It’s hard to watch unfold
Where is my man she asks again?
The one I used to love and hold

Why do doctors medicate
Knowing nothing of our dreams
The cold isolation that meds can bring
Lack of caring or so it seems

The simple things matter the most
Like a twinkle in the eye
The touch of skin the electric charge
Seem in the past … tis hard to say goodbye

From inside I can’t see the difference
Which you see … looking in
Maybe I should reduce my meds
And rekindle where we’ve been

Alas your words of wisdom
They seem to prevail and hold
Wait until the next Doctors meeting
And see what we are told

Parky you’re a pain in the ass
But you won’t beat me you know
For I am stronger than you think
And in the end … it will show

Poetry by Jovo Cirkovic

A Ninja feeding on my sanity

Oh Parky here we are again
Creating in me rage
Affecting memory … wrong words selected
Yet you are centre stage

At what point, what time exactly
Do I get the old me back?
Or do you plan eternal possession
Never yielding me any slack

I try to live as if you’re not there
And most days I succeed
Then like a ninja you creep back in
And on my sanity you feed

But I see you for what you are
A parasite in search of host
Go ahead and shake my arm
That’s the best you’ll ever boast

For I am stronger than you may think
And I’ll beat you … in the end
I’ll pick myself up from the deck each time
With the help of … my best friend

Poetry by Jovo Cirkovic

Yesterday … Parky was asleep

Yesterday was one rare day
When Parky was asleep
My lady’s birthday … such good times had
Left no room for him to creep

Holding hands and taking walks
Not a care to bother us … you see
63 days spent relaxing in Thailand
Has set both our spirits free

Dreams rekindled … goals re-set
Bright our future it will be
One vision when it’s shared by two
In photos so clear our friends can see

Sometimes it pays to remember
What is important I must see
My focus must be balanced
Between Parky, you and me

The magic that we felt before
Is still strong and it is true
Whilst Parky sleeps I’ll make the most
Sharing my moments just with you

Home we go with slightly heavy heart
That’s how life ebbs and flows
Even Parky can’t dampen my mood
In my smile my spirit shows

Poetry by Jovo Cirkovic

Thanks Sue ... I just posted three more

Enjoy

Here are the next three poems


While my guitar gently weeps

The soft tune of Cat Stevens
Singing “Father and Son” as tears fall
The velvet tones of Rhonan Keating
Singing “When you say nothing at all”

Enrique Iglesias and “Hero”
Eric Clapton’s “Wonderful tonight”
Even my mate Neil Diamond “Sweet Caroline”
Just don’t come out right

My left hand … my gammy arm
The chords it just won’t find
Unable to play Sarah McLachlan’s “Angel”
Now that is just unkind

Parky has decided that
Forever gone are my guitar days
As sad as that makes me feel
It brings me hope in other ways

My voice still as true as ever
Bellow out a song I can
Even if I’ll never be known as
The Melbourne “Guitar Man”

Parky and the workaholic

When Parky and a workaholic meet
At once your life is changed
It may take some time for you
To get your priorities re-arranged

Your 60 hour working weeks
Could be relegated to the past
Your body now has a parasite
Its endurance you must outlast

Add to that your new medicine
With side effects galore
Finding strength to go to work
Might walk right out the door

A failure you may think you are
Because a provider you’ve always been
Turn your efforts to a new cause
Only then a new world is seen

Reasons unknown things happen to us
Strength we must source from inside
Although your path may not be clear right now
You must take life in your stride

So make a choice and write a list
What’s most important for your health
Set new goals and you will see
How your visions can turn to wealth

Sapping strength from my true being

I see darkness before my eyes
Be they closed … or be they seeing
Life seems to have slipped from my grasp
Sapping strength from my true being

All my dreams … and all my plans
What good are they I ask?
I don’t see a future beyond Parky
I am afraid of this unwanted task

There is no cure my doctor states
But most people learn to cope
Parky’s with me for my remaining days
I’m like a puppet on his rope

Struggling when they try to walk
Every old person that I see
Their shaky hands give them away
Is that the future for me?

The pain I feel can be lived with
But it does constantly remind
Parky has my muscles at molecule level
His experiments can be unkind

Easy to judge when you’re not sick
Infected by disease and pain
A clear future … I just don’t see
Whilst the darkness consumes my brain

Next three poems from SHAKEN BUT NOT STIRRED


Accepting destiny and fate

How many people out there
Have Parky as room mate
Have you conceded to your new life?
Accepting destiny and fate

Today I read some Parky blogs
And many comments say
That since Parky paid his visit
They see only darkness in their day

It’s like they’ve lost their faith
That life can ever be
As good or maybe even better
In the future Parky free

Degenerative Parky well may be
But power to manifest you’ve been given
A better life than what’s been foretold
You can choose now to be livin

Only 10% of the full potential
We access of our mind
Who knows what still lies dormant
What power to heal you’ll find

It’s only when you can accept
That we choose our own disease
At that time you can finally
Put your mind at ease

Right now take a deep breath
A life decision you must make
Who controls your destiny?
From Parky your future you must take


Leaving anger and regret

What in hell did I do wrong?
To deserve the hand that I’ve been given
Isn’t Parky an old people’s disease?
Affecting people … almost done with living

At 47 my life was planned
My future … bright and set
That has now been flushed away
Leaving anger and regret

Was this passed on genetically?
Did my ancestors sin so much?
That through a draw in the lottery of life
An evil claw should grip me in its clutch

At times I think this is a cruel joke
Played by some alien being on me
Designed to test my human strength
On some alien reality TV

If only the hands on the clock of time
Could be wound back to a time before
I’d barricade myself in safety
And lock Parky outside my door

Then he can come and knock away
But he would never reach
Into my being … my very core
Never attach to me like a leech


Occasionally I feel like stone

My arm shakes my back is sore
I feel my face is blank
Occasionally I feel like stone
A mossy rock on river bank

I see people holding on to frames
They shuffle … and walk by
Is it Parky who has control of them?
If that’s my destiny … I’ll cry

I sometimes hesitate before I walk
Is that a sign of freezing?
The dizzy spells when I stand up
Then there’s my constant sneezing

Reduced meds give me clearer mind
My recollections … better today
The offset is the pain I feel
But it is worth it I must say

My whole life is now an act
Of balance … find my centre
Adjusting food, exercise, meds
A new life phase I must enter

As worrying as my future may be
Have to take it one day at a time
For to give in to Parky I will have lost
I guess the choice is always mine

9 more poems from SHAKEN BUT NOT STIRRED posted in the second instalment post on creative corner

Next instalment of three poems from my book SHAKEN BUT NOT STIRRED


Giving Parky his “What For”


I wake up in the morning
From restless sleep I’m tight
My shoulders sore my backs in pain
I’ve tossed and turned all night

My pillows wet, my bed awash
As I wake from another dream
Why can’t Parky go away?
Leave me alone … I scream

To sit in pity for myself
Although tempting it may be
It achieves Parky’s evil plan
Which he’s written just for me

So out of bed I lift myself
As my reminder chimes its tone
The first of three daily Pillock O’clocks
Set in my calendar on my mobile phone

Determined face I dress for gym
Find the treadmill waiting there
Jog my five k’s … sweat pours down
My arm shakes but I don’t care

I sit and stretch my muscles tight
It’s through exertion I must pay
To drop my guard and become lazy
Parky wins the day

I get home my muscles ache
My daily tasks I complete
Pretty soon time for a nanna nap
Rejuvenate from head to feet

Bed comes early for Parky waits
To disturb my sleep some more
I close my eyes with smiling face
In the morning he’ll get his “What For”


Oh how simple life was

I sit here and am thinking
Just how my life has changed
If only I had more notice given
I can have things rearranged

When Parky came into my life
I was not ready … ill-prepared
But he came and just took over
As if he never cared

Oh how simple life was
Before losing my control
But play the hand we’re given
It’s onward we must roll

To give into despair and anger
That simply will not do
Time to seek strength deep inside
And refresh my strength anew

I still count myself as lucky
To have legs to help me walk
Strong arms I use to carry
And my mouth through which I talk

Together me and Parky
Coexist in one body … we may
But as long as I breathe and am able
I will kick his ass one day


Where is the rest of you?

With headphones plugged into my ears
The sweat on my body glistens
8 kg lighter and a few to go
Whilst my subconscious listens

The goals I set … The plans I make
They are with me every day
"Where is the rest of you?" When you see me
Those magic words … I hear you say

It's what we tell ourselves that matters
For our subconscious doesn't know
The difference between reality and fantasy
But the end result will show

It's important to have a mental game
It doesn't have to be real grand
Parky will always tag along
And lend his shaky hand

What exactly are you waiting for?
Get off your butt … be real
Experience the wonder that is your life
A fantastic internal joy … you’ll feel