i have dragged the first three chapters of my fortune making opus from the cesspool of my imagination and published them on turnipmash dot com. i am reluctant to link a respectable organisation like puk with this sort of stuff so i have not put a proper link.
as the sales blurb on the jacket will say
more colourful than 50 Shades of Gray
more erotic than Basic Excel Macros
more laughs than The Brothers Karamazov

and only 3447 words long

NOT FOR THE SQUEAMISH, PRUDISH, LITERATE, SENSIBLE ETC

Encore. (I would whistle, but I cant).

I, being a bloke, only know 16 colours. I'm just going to put puce in beside burnt ochre as being off white/light black.

thank you thank you thank you.

chapters 4 to 7 can be purchased at £1.... no, no of course not for yourself Mr Sooty sir, your complementary copy is at the printers... now now Mr Sooty I've already shaved ... yes I'm sure the leading lady is dying to have a meal at your hotel suite... no need for that Mr Sooty...ouch

bloody gangsters, at least that nutter McSweep wasn't in... oh I didn't see you there Mr McSweep aaaaaaaargh

chapter four available to fan(s)

having re-read my magnificent oevre, i think i would just classify it as rude rather than very rude. it is, i have been told by my harshest critic (mrs turnip) quite funny.
so i am including a normal link for anyone who wants to access it
www.turnipmash.com
it is also now googlable
but still only suitable for a broad-minded person

does not involve bondage! (yet)