Hi everyone

I know I've been quiet of late but I have been away for a few days. Following a very strained Christmas with my husband - his moods were very much up and down - one minute it was like old times next he was trying hard not to laugh or smile - on the 27th December he decided to up and move out. He packed all his clothes and took them with him when he left on the 28th December. I was so upset that I had to get away. I have just spent 2 days with my brother and his family.

Things were fine and I thought I was starting to cope. I saw the New Year in with my youngest son and his partner. At 18 minutes past midnight my husband phoned my son. My son was very upset when my husband's tone changed when he said he was with me. We went to bed shortly afterwards. I sent my husband a "Happy New Year" text.

This morning not having received anything back and needing to ask him about something I sent him a text. He then called me. It would seem that he had spent New Year alone (and I have to believe that) and had sat on the fence as to whether to contact me earlier than he did. When I answered the phone he did wish me a "Happy New Year".

He has in effect moved out.

He told me that he had an appointment to see the physio on 16th Jan and was going to try and see his PD nurse then too and asked if he could stay the night. I said yes.

On the 28th when he moved out he asked if he could leave some of his things here for the foreseeable future. I told him he could put them in the garage.

Today I feel so alone and unloved and quite frankly I feel dead. My hope and my future seem to have slipped away from me. I love this man with all my heart but now feel that only a miracle will bring him back to me. Today it took all my willpower just to get out of bed - he was my world and at the moment I have no reason to continue with mine.

Hi Hamster
Im sorry things are so hard for you at the moment.
From personal experience I do know that you will achieve nothing by feeling sorry for yourself (however hard it is not to). Your husband may return when he is in a better place emotionally himself or he may not. Either way, you need to try and start making a life for yourself. New Year is a good starting point to do this. Remember what i suggested about a 'positive diary'. When I split from my first husband I had four small children..staying in bed wasnt an option..i had to carry on..and i did. You too will be a stronger person ultimately for this experience.
If you are lonely, why not contact somewhere like Age Concern? There are so many lonely elderly people out there that have no-one to talk to. You could give a few hours of your time to keep them company. You may feel better about yourself for doing so. Just a suggestion.
If your husband is 'on the fence' about returning to you, you will be a much more attractive proposition to him if you can show you are a 'coper' than if you are a quivering wreck. He may be wondering how you are going to cope in the future if you are so reliant on him if you remain together.
Only my thoughts.
I am not in a position to tell you what to do, just offering suggestions.
Start focusing on positives..you have nothing to gain from dwelling on negatives.
All the best for 2009.

Hi Carrot

Thank you for your words of support. Unfortunately my husband wasn't sat on the fence about returning to me ... it was about wishing me a Happy New Year.

I know I should start to move forward but its only been 4 weeks since he said it was all over and things are still very raw and sore. I have a heavy heart as I want him back so much.

I'm sorry to burden you all with my problems - but you are the only friends I have. I will move on when the time is right.

I am also wondering whether I will still be welcome on the forum because I am in a slight different position to everyone else here. I am no longer technically a "carer" of a PwP ... just someone who cares more than words can express for that person.

Oh dear why is life so complicated.

As far as I am aware, this forum was set up by the PDS to support those whose lives are affected by PD. That means friends, family, PwP, whoever. Whether you and your husband get back together or not is actually irrelevant. You have two sons between you and therefore (for their benefit) it will be important that you gain knowledge and understanding about some of the things their father may face in the future so that you can offer them your support even if you husband rejects it.
'Carer' is not a technical term anyway. It's like putting a label on yourself..not necessary. Like you say, you care..that's all that matters.

I think this forum will continue to be of help to you if you just remember that it's give and take here. Support and you will be supported.

I wasnt suggesting you 'move on'..just slowly forwards in a positive direction..one step at a time.

Take care
Carrot x

hi hamster

sorry to hear you have had such a difficult time,and of course your still welcome on the forum. like carrot said you still have to support your two boys and give them support and guidance.
things will be raw at the moment and perhaps you could concentrate on your well being, try and get some pampering, a massage or spa treatment to help you relax.
i do hope things improve for, i cant if the doctor recommended meds or councilling to help you cope.
take care
joan

Thank you Carrot and Chattymiss for your kind words.

I am always here to help anyone who feels that I may be able to help them in whatever capacity I can - albeit my knowledge of the condition is still very limited. So many questions unanswered and where to begin.

I know I some of you may be thinking that I am wallowing in self-pity at the moment but the last few months have been very difficult to cope with. The diagnosis, the pushing away and the unkind words said to me not only by my husband but also by his mother. I am sure that there will be light at the end of the tunnel.

My husband is now on meds and he has just gone onto the stronger dose of Selegeline (10 grms a day). When I asked how he felt he said that he thought they were doing some good. I noticed that he did not fall asleep so easily (apart from Christmas Day when he had a lie down). He was also able to see in the New Year this year which he did not last year.

As for myself all the doctor has given me are sleeping tablets. I saw him once a week for 2 weeks (eg 3 appointments) but these have now stopped and all I have to do now is "keep him informed of my progress" whatever that means.

Once again thank you all for your support and I am sure that with everyone's continued support I will grow stronger. Also, yes it is important that I find out as much as possible to help my two boys.

Take care everyone and fingers crossed for a brighter future for everyone.

Hi Hamster, My heart goes out to you, There is every reason to keep posting on the forum. People are nice, supportive and friendly.
will send email,
Take care
Gill10

Hi Hamster,
You are probably more in need to have some one to chat to now,than before. Some times talking can help.
As already said, there are many here who will listen, and try to be of help if possible.
I know there will be a feeling of an empty space around you. This will slowly and surely refill.
I am sure it won't take long, because you sound to me like you are a very caring person.
I am wondering if your OH might be doing this because he feels he might be a burden to you, and feels it is unfair for you.
I often think that way myself when I am having a bad day.
As long as the two of you can keep talking, there is more than a possibility of getting back together.
Mean while, you know there is usually some one logged on to this site, or perhaps a visitor who will log on, if they want to chat.
So don't be a stranger,
You will get through this.
You are starting the year at a low point, It will get better.

Dear Hamster,
Oh dear,What a sad way to start the new year unwell and husband who has decided to leave.I have been going through your posts and am I right in saying he was diagnosed in August and first left you in early December? If this is the case I wonder if he has left you because he loves you.Knowing he has a chronic progressive illness is frightening and perhaps he fears being a burden to you and thinks you will be better off without him.This may be part of depression which unfortunately is often part of P.D.I can only say what I would do in your place and it is up to you knowing your relationship to decide whether this was a suitable way to proceed. I would contact him and tell him I loved him and that I would always love him however ill he may become.That by leaving me he is preventing me carrying out the vows that I made which included "in sickness and in health."which I fully intended to honour when I made them. The worst that could happen is that he rejected that approach which would be painful but no worse than the present situation. I would contact his P.D nurse and tell her the situation and mention he may be depressed.Only you know what your relationship was like before P.D hit so only you know whether what I am saying is possible or likely.
This Forum was set up for everybody affected by P.D and you have certainly been affected by it, so keep posting.I am thinking of you and sending telepathic hugs.

Hello Hamster,

I have been reading through this thread and I am sorry that things are so difficult for you at the moment. I do agree with ECD that your husband may still be coming to terms with his situation and not wanting to be a burden to you. All I can suggest is that you try to make him feel that he can come back anytime and that you still love him. You may not feel like it because you are hurting badly but it might prevent the situation becoming deadlocked.

Being a partner to a PwP can be a very lonely place at times. You try to carry on as normally as possible but inside you are stamping your foot and yelling 'What about me!' Then you feel guilty for thinking it.

The forum is here for you and I agree that your need is paramount and the fact that your husband has moved out is irrelevant to that.

Kind regards,

Panda.